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Sorry everyone. Didn’t mean to destroy the natural laws of the world, but my boobs have once again defied logic, physiology, and good taste. I previously wrote how my breasts started out as a DDD cup, then, after 75 lbs lost, are still a DDD cup. But now the story takes an interesting twist.

After reading an article on how bras should fit properly that one of my Facebook pages posted, I started examining the fit of my 40DDD bra. The band doesn’t fit snugly against my body and when I force the band to fit, the tops of my boobs spill out. In other words, the cups are too small. I went bra shopping with my mom the other day as we both needed new bras and went to Lane Bryant since they were having a really great sale.

I tried on a 40DDD and absolutely didn’t fit. I tried on a different brand and that didn’t fit either. Frustrated, I exited the fitting room and grabbed a 40F. It fucking fit. I didn’t like the bra itself (it was a long line with too many hooks and eyes), so I ended up walking out with nothing. That was the only 40F I found in the entire store and the sales clerk told me that they had sold down a lot due to the sale.

My mom and I then tried Torrid, a few doors down in the same strip mall. I had been getting a lot of my bras from Torrid anyway and the 44DDDs had fit me perfectly right after my surgery. I was very upset when I couldn’t tighten the band anymore and had to stop wearing them. I tried on a 40DDD. It was too small. I tried on a 40DDD in a different style. Too small. I asked my mom if she could grab me a 38DDD to see if that would fit better. No dice. The store had nothing bigger than a DDD in stock.

I sat in the dressing room starting at the Hello Kitty afro t-shirt that I wanted to get and tried to remember how the fuck bra sizes work. When you go down a band size, you have to go up a cup size. So a 44DDD is equivalent to a 40G. I was a 40F. So my boobs did go down one cup size after 76 lbs of weight loss. But at this rate, by the time I’m a 36 (where I used to be, before I got fat), I’ll be a 36G. When I was this band size the first time, I was a 36D. So now my boobs have grown 4 cup sizes.

During weight loss it’s natural to lose weight in the breasts. But my boobs have bravely defied the laws of physics by only losing one cup size after 76 lbs of weight lost. They steadily remain 4 cup sizes larger than they were when I was at a steady weight. Meanwhile, I fit into clothes that I wore as I was gaining weight. Jeans fit, PJ pants fit, and I can’t even go anywhere near my old bras. Unless my breasts suddenly decide to evacuate when I hit some magic weight loss number, I think I’m going to be looking into a reduction.

Update: I’ve now lost almost 100 lbs and my breasts are measuring bigger than before. I tried on a 38H (equivalent to a 36I) at a bra store and it was slightly too small. My boobs really have broken physics. I apologize to everyone.